The Story that is My Life

My life as it has been and as it continues to unfold is a story. One story made up of many stories. One complex, yet simple story. One sometimes messy, but so beautiful story. One story that I wonder if it might be interesting to be told.

This blog is my attempt to put part, or parts, of that story into words, pictures, or whatever form my mind can wrap itself around or create from within myself to express what it is like to be the one inside Cindy's Story. This is an exploration on my part and on yours in reading, and seeing, and maybe even hearing. It is not necessarily chronological. It might not always make sense, but it is my expression. It is me.

You are invited to see how my story unfolds.....

Friday, June 27, 2014

What I "Can" Do (When I Want to Hurt Myself)



The following are some truths I learned during a session with my counselor in the midst of the years when I was experiencing self-hatred, depression, self-harming behavior, and suicidal ideation.  I wrote them down in a journal.  These truths I learned during that time were to counteract the lies that I told myself in my head about life and about myself.  I wrote quite a few short entries in that journal, and this is one:


Journal Entry After Counseling
December 22, 2005

When I am feeling hatred toward myself and wanting to hurt myself:
  • I can know that Jesus doesn't condemn me.
  • I can realize that God says anger is okay.  It is just an emotion.
  • I can be angry and not direct it at myself.
  • I can remember that when people get to know me, they like me.
  • I can go through hard stuff and know that there are people who are willing to go through it with me.
  • I can ask God for help.
  • I can fight the thoughts of self-hatred and the desires to hurt myself, with the truth that God loves me and took my punishment for me.