The Story that is My Life

My life as it has been and as it continues to unfold is a story. One story made up of many stories. One complex, yet simple story. One sometimes messy, but so beautiful story. One story that I wonder if it might be interesting to be told.

This blog is my attempt to put part, or parts, of that story into words, pictures, or whatever form my mind can wrap itself around or create from within myself to express what it is like to be the one inside Cindy's Story. This is an exploration on my part and on yours in reading, and seeing, and maybe even hearing. It is not necessarily chronological. It might not always make sense, but it is my expression. It is me.

You are invited to see how my story unfolds.....

Sunday, October 5, 2014

My Psalm - When I Needed Faith

This is one of my first attempts to write a psalm of my own, following the example of the psalms written in the Bible.  This personal psalm of mine is declaring praise to God through the testimony of a time of need in my life.  The set up of this "declarative praise testimony," I learned in a class I took at the church I attended in the late 2000s, on the book of Psalms in the Bible.  The following order of writing a psalm was used by David to write many of his Psalms.  I have included the headings of each section to give you an idea so you too can write your own psalm of praise to God.

(Proclamation of Praise)

Hallelujah!  Yahweh is the one who is true.
There in nothing false in God.
He created us and gave us life.
He is the source of all good things.

(Introductory Summary)

There was a time when all I believed fell out from under me.
I could no longer produce faith on my own.
I needed someone else to do it for me.
My world was rocked to its core.

(Looking Back to the Time of Need)

When I was just a child I knew that Jesus loved me.
I wanted to go to heaven to be with him.
I asked Jesus to forgive my sins and come into my heart.
He did.

As I grew I heard the Bible stories
I learned more about God.
I learned all the reasons that the way of Jesus was true.
It all made sense to me.

I went to Bible college where I learned more about God.
In classes I learned the information given to me.
And then repeated it back on the tests.
I was confident that God was true.

Then I went to Northern Ireland as an exchange student.
At that Bible college I was taught in a different way.
Instead of being taught specific information,
Many questions were asked about the Bible and our beliefs.

For the first time I began to question God.
My philosophy of religion class studied the proofs of God.
We followed each to its end.
It showed that God could not be proved without any room for doubt.

I felt confused.
Why did I believe in God?
Maybe God wasn't the truth.
Maybe Jesus didn't save me from my sins.

How could I believe if I didn't have proof?
I knew that simple faith was the only answer.
I tried hard to create faith within myself.
But I couldn't even do that.

I locked myself in my room.
I cried and cried.
I didn't have any hope.
I couldn't find God.

(Report of Deliverance)

As I was collapsed on the floor of my room at the end of myself,
I cried out to God, if he was there.
I told him everything.
I told him that I could not make myself have faith in him.

With my eyes closed I waited for an answer.
Then, I heard a voice speak to me.
Jesus said gently, "I will do it."
He was saying that he understood my weakness.

I didn't have to create faith in God, myself.
Jesus would give me the faith the I needed.
I breathed a sigh of relief.
Peace spread over me, and I rested in him.

(Vow of Praise)

I will praise God forever
Because of his love for me.
Because of his greatness
My lips will rejoice.

(Praise of God's Acts)

Jesus is everything to me.
He gives me the strength I need for all I do.
Whatever God asks me to believe or do,
He will work in me to bring it about.

I thank God that he gives me answers when I seek.
God helps me not drown in the midst of a doubting see
He gives me the faith that I need.
I come out the other side stronger.

God's work is great in me.
I will let faith produce praise for God.
Praise him forever.
Yes, forever amen.
                              Amen.
~Cindy