The Story that is My Life

My life as it has been and as it continues to unfold is a story. One story made up of many stories. One complex, yet simple story. One sometimes messy, but so beautiful story. One story that I wonder if it might be interesting to be told.

This blog is my attempt to put part, or parts, of that story into words, pictures, or whatever form my mind can wrap itself around or create from within myself to express what it is like to be the one inside Cindy's Story. This is an exploration on my part and on yours in reading, and seeing, and maybe even hearing. It is not necessarily chronological. It might not always make sense, but it is my expression. It is me.

You are invited to see how my story unfolds.....

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Crushed in Fields of Green

[I believe I wrote this in 2002.  Formerly included in my depression story.]


How am I doing after returning from serving God in Africa?  Let me tell you a story to try to help you understand.........

….......Imagine a big and long hill, and on one side of this hill was born a young girl.  As the sun shone on this young girl she learned to run, skip, and laugh through the never ending fields of flowers and crisp fresh air, and rarely a wisp of a cloud was seen.
But then one day her life was changed.  Someone brought her to the top of the hill and pointed to what was on the other wide.  Far below she could see some dark rocks under a gray and cloudy sky, and her heart was touched with sadness.  She went back down to her fields of light and air and committed her life to learning how to be a rock lifter.  She gave everything that she had to learning how to free those souls trapped beneath the rocks, every day longing to begin her task.  She even met a companion along the way who had escaped from the rubble and was himself training to return to it to help.  And, for a while they continued hand in hand.  And then, at long last, her day came to go.  She gathered together enough people from her field to help push her up and over the hill, carrying one end of a rope with her so that they could pull her back after her year there was over.  They smiled back and waved good luck.

When she reached the other side she came to the rocks that she had been shown and studied from a distance for so long.  With all the resolve she could muster she lifted a rock above her head and letting it rest upon her shoulders she began her task. She felt the weight begin to press upon her shoulders, but she knew what she had to do.  She began to walk forward with enthusiasm and resolve, one foot slowly and shakily in front of the other.  But, as she continued on under her chosen stone, the weight seemed to grow from a mere rock into a boulder, and the path forward was not always clear through the cloudy skies.  The girl stumbled along among the many crushed and struggling souls beneath, and at times found that she was herself almost crushed beneath the weight upon her.  But at those times God sent His angels to lift the boulder enough so that she could catch a breath, straighten, and stand up beneath its weight again to take more steps with her eyes forward, ever longing for the light and air she had known.

She continued on until her year had passed when she was pulled back to the other side of the hill to the flowers and sunny days.  The people came with cheers for the heroic rock lifter and wanted to hear stories of the glories of freeing the souls on the other side, then they continued on running, skipping, and laughing through the fields of light and air.  The girl gathered her remaining strength, smiled through weary eyes, and collapsed into the fragrant fields of green as the others continued on.

The girl had returned to her side of the hill at last.  The great pressure that she had lived under every waking moment for the last year had lifted, and now she was free to breath the fresh air again, to be in the fields of flowers and light, and to run and skip and laugh.....but she was no longer able to find the same bounce in her step or the lightness in her breath.  She lies on the carpet of green and feels herself sinking into the earth below while all she wants to do is fall asleep in the field never to wake up again.

But she does wake up, the weight of the boulder forever imprinted on her mind and in her heart... (And deep in her soul she is deathly afraid)...How can she regain the strength to ever return?  And yet, how can she live if she does not?  She releases the hand of the companion that she thought she would hold for life that would have bound her forever to that land, and she lets her tears water the grass at her face.  Her eyes stare into the heavens above imploring, asking for an end somehow to this madness.

The boulders that nearly crushed her still remain on the souls on the other side, and though we can only experience the pebbles in our own fields, under boulders countless souls are still struggling to get free...some not even aware that the sun could shine.  

~Cindy