The Story that is My Life

My life as it has been and as it continues to unfold is a story. One story made up of many stories. One complex, yet simple story. One sometimes messy, but so beautiful story. One story that I wonder if it might be interesting to be told.

This blog is my attempt to put part, or parts, of that story into words, pictures, or whatever form my mind can wrap itself around or create from within myself to express what it is like to be the one inside Cindy's Story. This is an exploration on my part and on yours in reading, and seeing, and maybe even hearing. It is not necessarily chronological. It might not always make sense, but it is my expression. It is me.

You are invited to see how my story unfolds.....

Monday, March 13, 2017

What Does It Feel Like to Be Depressed

When you know someone is depressed, you may think, "Hey, just pull yourself out of it.  I've felt sad before, and I made it through."  
But depression is not like that.  If you want to know what it feels like for that person that you know who is depressed, this might give you an idea.  These words are not said lightly.  In fact these are some of the thought that went through my mind for the years of my depression.

Depression
Who am I?  
darkness
the worst
hurt
burning
don't succeed
not awake
crying
in my veins
stuck in reverse
lost
panic
a waste
to the bone
down below
give up
no worth
unfixable
tears stream
replaceable
more than a bad day
lost moments
gray skies
low
fake smile
offline
in pieces
sad
don't know
coming down
wrong
hiding
wasting away
not easy
endless
hard
weak
not holding on
stopped
alone
not ok
conquered
stolen soul
blame
unfair
end
no escape
drooping
night
not enough
empty
aching heart
turn to dust
fade away
break down
gone
lies
alone
silent screaming
shadow
ghost of a person
afraid
the lonely
no escape
shell of who I was
broken pieces
bairly breathing
let me go
rain never ending
cold
falling
sick forever
bleeding
breathing no longer
going under
depths of sorrow
slipping
locked inside
broken
nothing left
What's wrong with me?

There are so many words and statements that could be added to this list.  So you see, a person who is depressed is not just sad or having a bad day.  They are going through one of the deepest things that can grab a person's very soul.   I hope that by realizing the reality of the struggle, we will all show a little more understanding and concern and love.