The Story that is My Life

My life as it has been and as it continues to unfold is a story. One story made up of many stories. One complex, yet simple story. One sometimes messy, but so beautiful story. One story that I wonder if it might be interesting to be told.

This blog is my attempt to put part, or parts, of that story into words, pictures, or whatever form my mind can wrap itself around or create from within myself to express what it is like to be the one inside Cindy's Story. This is an exploration on my part and on yours in reading, and seeing, and maybe even hearing. It is not necessarily chronological. It might not always make sense, but it is my expression. It is me.

You are invited to see how my story unfolds.....

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Hard to Pray...Even as a Missionary

I wrote this journal entry to God while serving as a missionary in a remote village in Africa.  My co-missionary and I taught in the village primary school.  Once a week, on Thursday's, I stayed home to study the Bible and prepare a message to give in the church service twice a month or to prepare a "word," as they called it, to be shared at any moment they called me to share.
May 10, 2001

God, my Father,

Here I am again.  It is Thursday morning in my little house in the village of Muthyoi, Kenya.  My friend has gone to school to teach, and it is time for me to study for my Sunday message at church.  For some reason, though, I cannot start as I usually do.  I only have just under three months left here in Kenya, and I want everything I say to be from You and filled with the power of the Holy Spirit.  I know that means I need to pray, but I am going to be honest and tell you that I seem to not be able, or have a strong enough desire to pray continually.

Praying on my own is so difficult.

 Instead, I find myself just thinking of my life, my own desires, and what you might want.  I want to pray with words that please you and are within your will, but in my smallness and weakness I do not know what this is.  But, my Father, you know all my thoughts, and, Jesus, you say that you are interceding for me.  

You know what I need Jesus.  Please pray for me with words that will be pleasing and will show me the answer.  Holy Spirit, strengthen me in this area of my life.  Pray through me with groanings and words I cannot express as it says in the Bible that you will do.  Make me aware of your promptings and give me peace that you will do in me what God desires as I seek and ask him.

I find joy even now knowing that the work is yours to do, Father.  You are changing me slowly by slowly in your time.  Thank you.  I don't know what else to do.

Today I need help especially to have the right attitude in studying your word and preparing to share it with others.  Enlighten my mind, but more importantly, give me a love for your people and your message to them.  It sometimes seems that something is missing from my teaching from your word, and I believe it is the moving of your Spirit.  I know you will move in your time and as you choose, so I will trust you even when I don't see you, knowing that you have a better time and plan for your work.  

You know the joy and encouragement it would be for me to see you moving in people's lives and using me to do that.  Help me to not bore people with what I think is the best thing for their lives.  Give me joy and eagerness to be your mouthpiece.  Thank you because I know you can do these things.

In the name of Jesus I pray believing and trusting.

AMEN...........and AMEN