The Story that is My Life

My life as it has been and as it continues to unfold is a story. One story made up of many stories. One complex, yet simple story. One sometimes messy, but so beautiful story. One story that I wonder if it might be interesting to be told.

This blog is my attempt to put part, or parts, of that story into words, pictures, or whatever form my mind can wrap itself around or create from within myself to express what it is like to be the one inside Cindy's Story. This is an exploration on my part and on yours in reading, and seeing, and maybe even hearing. It is not necessarily chronological. It might not always make sense, but it is my expression. It is me.

You are invited to see how my story unfolds.....

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Desires For When I Return From Kenya

Journal Entry
February 2001 (with additional "rather than" explanations added November 2014)

In Muthyoi, Kenya, East Africa 2001

[This list was written by me while I was in my sixth month of living in a village in Kenya, East Africa.  I still had six months more to stay in the village, living with no electricity, no running water, and no supplies for my job as a teacher and missionary.  I lived with a Kenyan family, and was longing for some of the things from my culture back at home in the United States.  I was in a great deficit physically, emotionally, and relationally, and I needed some desires for the future to give me a hope of something to look forward to.]

My own personal desires about my life and future:

  • I want a piano to play to express my heart and feelings, rather than just keeping everything inside.
  • I want to swim, relax by the water, and wear shorts and a tank top during the hot season, rather than having to always wear dresses or long skirts with short or long sleeve shirts.
  • I want a small white dog and a big white cat who are the same size and will be best friends, rather than not being able to treat cats and dogs as pets, being told by the people not to pet, feed, or talk nicely to the animals.
  • I want a clean house, bug and reptile free, rather than a house that has red dust halfway up the walls inside and out, an outhouse with a just hole in the ground and rats that like to come up at night, cockroach wings on the cement floor, flying beetles bouncing off the house walls, wasp nests in the rafters, poisonous snakes showing up now and then, and a bat hanging under the bed, crunching bugs and singing at night.
  • I want a comfortable bed and a soft pillow, rather than one thin piece of foam over wood slats to sleep on and a pillow made of ripped up pieces of foam sewn into an old pillow case.
  • I want carpet under my feet and the ability to walk in the house without sandals on my feet, rather than having at all times to worry about stepping on bugs and other unknown things.
  • I want to be able to ride my mountain bike, rather than having to walk for 20 minutes to many hours to get to where I need to go.
  • I want to be near my sister so we can talk and share sisterly things with just a phone call, rather than having to write a letter that takes two weeks by mail to get to her, and then wait another two weeks for her reply to come back to me once she has written it.
  • I want to communicate with my mom and hug my dad, rather than being on the other side of the world where I cannot see or touch them.  There is the struggle of only being able to travel once a month to where there is a telephone, then having to figuring out the time difference between Kenya and the US, then trying to get the call to go through, then once through, only being able to speak for a few minutes because the cost of the call is so high.
  • I want to have running water, a refrigerator, and a stove; rather than having to milk a cow or goat for a small amount of milk, then searching for sticks to make a fire, heating up a pot that's balanced on three large stones, putting the rain water that was collected from the tin roof of the house, the milk, some ground tea leaves, and some sugar to the pot to finally be able to drink my cup of chai for each meal and break in the day.
  • I want to serve people behind the scenes, rather than teaching up front in a classroom setting where everyone just stares at me with half understanding.
  • I want to pass along wisdom to young people in an informal setting, rather than leading a study with a large group and trying to answer all their questions on the spot.
  • I want to love the forgotten children in ways that make a difference in their lives, rather than just seeing the trials and injustices in these kids lives, and not knowing what to do and having no way to help them.
  • I want to find a Godly man to love forever, rather than trying to live life and experience it on my own.
  • I want to help the neediest people, those with physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional struggles, rather than let them get forgotten.
  • I want to have some comforts to come home to like a stereo and television set, electric lights to light up the house, and a couch to sit and relax on, rather than only a couple wooden chairs around a wooden table with only a lantern for light and a deck of cards to play solitaire by myself to pass the time.
  • I want to not feel guilty about what God has given me, rather I want to use what I have as if it is not my own.
  • I want to be willing to do the difficult tasks that God has called his followers to do that other Christians are often unwilling to do, rather than being afraid to listen to the leading of the Holy Spirit.
  • I want to influence a small group of people for God in a strong way, rather than watching a multitude of people say that God is good while still wandering around in their weakness and relative ignorance of following Jesus.
  • I want to read and study God's Word with access to helps and direction from Christians who have know God than I have so I can share confidently with others, rather than only having one Bible and one Commentary to study and no spiritual help while preparing to teach the word of God to large groups of people in another country.
  • I want to make resources and ideas available to Bible teachers and missionaries in remote locations, rather than having them be in the situation that I found myself in as a lone missionary in a remote location with no resources.
  • I want to connect American Christians to the needs of other Christians around the world, rather than seeing the incredible poverty of basic necessities, safety, spiritual growth, and peace in life, and getting frustrated with the excess that those who are better off in life have.
  • I want to be a bridge which allows others to serve.