The Story that is My Life

My life as it has been and as it continues to unfold is a story. One story made up of many stories. One complex, yet simple story. One sometimes messy, but so beautiful story. One story that I wonder if it might be interesting to be told.

This blog is my attempt to put part, or parts, of that story into words, pictures, or whatever form my mind can wrap itself around or create from within myself to express what it is like to be the one inside Cindy's Story. This is an exploration on my part and on yours in reading, and seeing, and maybe even hearing. It is not necessarily chronological. It might not always make sense, but it is my expression. It is me.

You are invited to see how my story unfolds.....

Saturday, May 21, 2016

Alone in My Room

I wrote this poem during high school when I felt sad and alone.  I had so much confusion and sadness inside of me, and I didn't know why.  I was afraid I was a fraud and a bad person for feeling the way I did so I kept it inside of me.  I really wanted to trust someone with my struggles, but was so afraid.

by Cindy Boersma

Alone in my room
My face wet with tears
I long for a friend
To tell all my fears

I try to look cheerful
As I go through my day
But sometimes those sad feelings
Get their own way

You can tell something is wrong
You say you listen well
I hurts to keep it in
But I can't bring myself to tell

I want to spill my soul
And let my feelings out
And I would tell you
If it wasn't for this doubt

Can I trust you my friend
With these secrets I guard
Will you keep it between us
Or will that be too hard

I know I am not the only teen that has felt this way.  In confusion and sadness, desperately wanting someone who might understand what I was going through.  Now I wonder how someone might have gained my trust?  What might they have done to reach within my sadness?  How would I have learned to trust and share?

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Are You Okay?

Once upon a time I felt the way this poem expresses.  Just a simple question was asked of me, but there was too much within the answer to even make a truthful attempt.  

by Cindy Boersma

"Are you Okay?" you ask.

What do you want me to say?

I could tell you the truth:
I feel lousy 
I just want to scream
I can't get anything right.
I feel like I could explode.

But that's not what you want to hear.

So I will tell you.

Am I Okay?

"I'm fine thanks,
And you?"

Knowing that I felt this way back then, I think I will pause and listen for the real answer when I ask the question, "Are you Okay?"  I do want to hear the truth.  I do want to be the one that hears.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Daddy God, I Need You

Sometimes it is in the most difficult places that we realize what we really need.  I wrote this during a time when I was struggling in high school.  It is hard sometimes when we can't actually physically feel the touch of our God.  That is what I wanted.  Like a little girl who wants her loving daddy to wrap his arms around her and keep her safe, that is what I wanted from God.

by Cindy Boersma

My God I know...

If I could just crawl into your lap
Snuggle up inside your big strong arms
Feel your love as you hold me
I could keep safe from all that harms

If I could stay as long as I needed
As if time were standing still
If I could rest as you watch over me
And know that you always will

Then maybe I could take it
These trials I'm going through
They are wearing me out and breaking me down
I don't know what to do

Daddy God, I need you.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Empty Space

Artist - Celeste Prize
Empty Space

poem by Cindy Wolf

I sit
I stare
My body sinks
I slouch
I sigh
My eyes don't blink

I hear a noise
It floats on by
I want to think
but cannot try

I see a blur
It fades away
I open my mouth
No words to say

Nothing below
Just an empty space
Without a dream

Monday, May 2, 2016

Mist from Tears

Written by Cindy Boersma in her high school years

I sit alone on the back of a river
Longing to see your face
I peer through the warm heavy fog
Across the deep murky waters
and strain my eyes to the far shore

Was that you?

I call out your name
But you do not hear
The ruthless wind has whisked my pleading words away
I try again
But it's no use

Are you looking and calling too?

At my post on the bank of the river
I hope for the fog to clear
Friends come along and stop by my side
With confidence they point your way
I think I see a shadow of you

Is it enough to hold on to?

I want to see you
So I keep trying, seeking, calling, and crying
Until exhaustion takes its tole
From a fretful sleep I raise my head
The fog is rising over the water

Will I be able to see?

Just a cool mist remains
Over the river running by
Without hesitation I jump to my feet
I search the far shore
Until my longing eyes rest on your face

Were you there the whole time?

We reach toward each other
But find the distance still remains
I search your face for meaning
For something to grasp
For some hope to calm my fears

Are you searching too?

Do you know that I long to be with you again?

Can you understand my pain?

Can you sense my fears?

Or from such a distance
Can you tell the mist from the tears?

Can you tell the mist from the tears?